broken.

I shouldn't be posting about this but considering there are few people who read this I figure its fine.

My dad moved out today. When I found out on Monday I was pretty numb to the situation. I wasn't sad or angry or upset. I just simply didnt care. I acted as though I wasnt apart of it and it had nothing to do with me. Now as I watch my dad take all his stuff and leave our family for a second time I cant help but just cry. I hate not having a relationship with him, I hate that the only time I talk to him is when we're screaming at eachother. I hate that when I get older I wont have a Dad to walk me down the isle or spoil my kids. I hate that he doesnt care. I hate that all he thinks about is himself. I hate that he cant forgive. I hate that I'm going to have to parent my brother and sister because my mom is a mess and my dad just refuses to act like an adult.

I know I need to turn to God in a time like this. And deep down I know God is going to get me through this. But I cant help but ask why? Why again? Why do we keep having to go through this? Why hasnt God changed my dad?

I cant do this anymore. I cant deal with how dramatic my parents are. They act more like teenagers than I do. I just want out. I want my own family. My own home. Somewhere I know that im safe and no one is leaving me.