Prince Caspian.

I need to snap out of it. And quit feeling sorry for myself. I hate being sad. And more often than not I take it out on those around me. From now on "sad harley" is out the door and only "happy harley" is allowed to grace us with her presence. Done. :).

ps. Is summer over yet?!?!?! Cuzzzzzz srsly. Im fooo shooo over it. Bring on the school. Bring on the books! Heck!!! Bring on the tests!!! I need to kick it into gear.

broken.

I shouldn't be posting about this but considering there are few people who read this I figure its fine.

My dad moved out today. When I found out on Monday I was pretty numb to the situation. I wasn't sad or angry or upset. I just simply didnt care. I acted as though I wasnt apart of it and it had nothing to do with me. Now as I watch my dad take all his stuff and leave our family for a second time I cant help but just cry. I hate not having a relationship with him, I hate that the only time I talk to him is when we're screaming at eachother. I hate that when I get older I wont have a Dad to walk me down the isle or spoil my kids. I hate that he doesnt care. I hate that all he thinks about is himself. I hate that he cant forgive. I hate that I'm going to have to parent my brother and sister because my mom is a mess and my dad just refuses to act like an adult.

I know I need to turn to God in a time like this. And deep down I know God is going to get me through this. But I cant help but ask why? Why again? Why do we keep having to go through this? Why hasnt God changed my dad?

I cant do this anymore. I cant deal with how dramatic my parents are. They act more like teenagers than I do. I just want out. I want my own family. My own home. Somewhere I know that im safe and no one is leaving me.

ever after.

When I was younger

I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind

Broke his own heart

And I watched

As he tried to reassemble it.

My momma swore that

She would never let herself forget

And that was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love

If it did not exist.

But darlin,

You are the only exception.

................ dreading the events taking place tomorrow.

Dashboard.

Conclusions I've made:

1. I will never get tired of dancing in my room with my sister.

2. My dad will never realize how awfully he treats the people around him.

3. I'm the most paranoid driver/passenger you will ever meet.

4. I love my friends more than humanly possible.

5. Jackson is the boy for me. without a doubt.

6. As much as I complain about Starbucks, its actually the best job I could have ever hoped for.

7. I am unhappy with my size so when I buy clothes I go into depressed mode and buy clothes that are way to insanely big for me.

8. I'm smarter than I allow myself to realize.

9. I'm going to be a great parent and wife someday, despite my upbringing.

10. I wear my emotions on my sleeve at all the wrong times, and hide them when I should be letting them out.

11. Acoustic music. is. love.

That is all for now.

-H