Prince Caspian.

I need to snap out of it. And quit feeling sorry for myself. I hate being sad. And more often than not I take it out on those around me. From now on "sad harley" is out the door and only "happy harley" is allowed to grace us with her presence. Done. :).

ps. Is summer over yet?!?!?! Cuzzzzzz srsly. Im fooo shooo over it. Bring on the school. Bring on the books! Heck!!! Bring on the tests!!! I need to kick it into gear.

broken.

I shouldn't be posting about this but considering there are few people who read this I figure its fine.

My dad moved out today. When I found out on Monday I was pretty numb to the situation. I wasn't sad or angry or upset. I just simply didnt care. I acted as though I wasnt apart of it and it had nothing to do with me. Now as I watch my dad take all his stuff and leave our family for a second time I cant help but just cry. I hate not having a relationship with him, I hate that the only time I talk to him is when we're screaming at eachother. I hate that when I get older I wont have a Dad to walk me down the isle or spoil my kids. I hate that he doesnt care. I hate that all he thinks about is himself. I hate that he cant forgive. I hate that I'm going to have to parent my brother and sister because my mom is a mess and my dad just refuses to act like an adult.

I know I need to turn to God in a time like this. And deep down I know God is going to get me through this. But I cant help but ask why? Why again? Why do we keep having to go through this? Why hasnt God changed my dad?

I cant do this anymore. I cant deal with how dramatic my parents are. They act more like teenagers than I do. I just want out. I want my own family. My own home. Somewhere I know that im safe and no one is leaving me.

ever after.

When I was younger

I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind

Broke his own heart

And I watched

As he tried to reassemble it.

My momma swore that

She would never let herself forget

And that was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love

If it did not exist.

But darlin,

You are the only exception.

................ dreading the events taking place tomorrow.

Dashboard.

Conclusions I've made:

1. I will never get tired of dancing in my room with my sister.

2. My dad will never realize how awfully he treats the people around him.

3. I'm the most paranoid driver/passenger you will ever meet.

4. I love my friends more than humanly possible.

5. Jackson is the boy for me. without a doubt.

6. As much as I complain about Starbucks, its actually the best job I could have ever hoped for.

7. I am unhappy with my size so when I buy clothes I go into depressed mode and buy clothes that are way to insanely big for me.

8. I'm smarter than I allow myself to realize.

9. I'm going to be a great parent and wife someday, despite my upbringing.

10. I wear my emotions on my sleeve at all the wrong times, and hide them when I should be letting them out.

11. Acoustic music. is. love.

That is all for now.

-H

My Only Exception.

Hello Bloggy Blog.

You are in luck. I have lots on my mind tonight. You know what that means?????? YES YES YES! It means I'm going to ramble on here for a good 10 min.

Here I go. For the past ohhhhhhhh 20 years I have shared a room with my sister and today marks the day that this has changed! MUAHAHAHAHA! Finally. I love having my own room, playing the music I want, having all my clothes neatly put away. It has been a good day. But when going into my room I remember exactly why I always loved having a room with her....... I hate being lonely. I always knew we would be in there together and now as I sit here in my room all alone I constantly wonder where she is and what shes doing and think about how I want her to come hang out with me. hahahaha. Man, this is sad. Oh well, its true.

In other news, my boyfwend was chosen recently to sing gang vocals on an album for Terror (a hardcore band from LA). He was stoked beyond belief and I was quite proud of him. Not to mention Chad Gilbert of NFG was there and he for sure talked to him!!!!! Ummmm jealous much!!!! I think so!!!!! Which is basically like meeting Hayley from Paramore considering Chad and Hayley are dating and the cutest couple on the planet. so. freakin. awesome. Needless to say my boyfriend is awesome and gets to do awesome things. all the time. My advice to my bf, start bringing me along foolio!!! I wanna do cool things too!!!! hehe.

Speaking of that delightful boy, he is always telling me about his new ideas for tattoos he wants. Which in turn makes me want them, vedy vedy badly. Like I want to go right now and get all tatted up. And one day I will. Mmmmmmm, I love tats.

2 exams tomorrow, then work on friday, then el novio arrives.

I love you, Internet. For listening to me. You get me. Loves.

April Showers.

Another day, another lesson learned. I've been learning a lot about myself these days. Some good and some bad. But at the end of the day, when I'm laying in my bed I know that one thing is the same. That there is one thing in this world that will always be holding me up, protecting me, and making me stronger. And that one thing is Jesus. There are days when I completely lose sight of that and I go to sleep thinking that my life will never been what I want it to be. The right there is the most selfish kind of thinking. Inward thinking, only thinking of how the world around you is benefiting you instead of lifting everything you have and everything that you are to God. I owe everything to him. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't given my life over to Christ. I know this probably sounds like a bunch of rambling, in fact, thats just what it is. But acknowledging all that He has done for me is a very humbling feeling. I hope I've inspired someone out there to take a minute to thank God for everything we have in our lives, to not want what we don't have but be grateful for what we do, and if not then at least I have said it myself.

Thank you God for all that you are.

Sweet Dreams World.

Harley

Surprise.

Well look at me go. Im blogging...... again.... for the second day in a row. If you know me you know this is a big accomplishment.

Today I would like to discuss the weather. Though I love the rain, I was not prepared for today. Just yesterday I was outside in shorts and a tank and when I go to school this morning I was hit in the face by a storm that seemed like a hurricane. BAM! out of nowhere. Geshhhhh. I am ready for summer, for sunshine, and beaches, icees, picnics. Mmmmmmm. Yes please.

Ooooo and did I mention, last night when I was attempting to become the worlds best blogger I suddenly remembered I had 2 exams today!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Needless to say, I missed my first 2 classes so I could "study"....aka watch Regis and Kelly. Regis makes me laugh. It was a very eventful day. And now you know all about it!!

Until next time....

Harley....out.